The Narcissitic grandparent especially the mothers are not capable of loving their grandchildren anymore than their own. Let us imagine a scenario, narcissistic personality disorder are abusive and emotionally unwell; they have no ability to feel empathy or genuine love. These individuals do not truly love… they have an addiction to being loved, which makes them more sinister.
They don’t care about what’s best for your child or children.
Normal loving grandmas would do everything in their power to strengthen the bonds between mother and child because they know how important it is for a child’s growth and development. Only a sick and disturbed person would do the opposite.
Toxic grandparents may feel some love for their grandchildren, but they cannot help who they truly are. ... Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are abusive and emotionally unwell; they have no ability to feel empathy or genuine love. These individuals do not truly love… they have an addiction to being loved. She only sees them as tools to be used,manipulated, and controlled. If the narcissistic grandma has the opportunity to turn her grandchildren against their mother, she’ll do it.
The toxic grandparent will use Flying Monkeys, often recruited from among other family members, such as siblings, spouses or children. Flying monkeys are enablers who support the Narcissist no matter what, blindly side, encourage, support and even abuse the victim to defend the Narcissist. They are eitrher blind to the narcissist behaviour because of cognitive dissonance, or they just dont care, either way they are guilty.
A narcissistic grandparent is not anything a child deserves or should have to endure. They are not capable of giving love to their grandchildren and will only use them to cause problems that would otherwise not exist.
I know how much a good mother loves her children, and you think this comes as naturally to everyone else as it does to you. Under normal circumstances, you would be absolutely right.
In this case, their absence is a blessing in disguise and is absolutely in your child’s best interest. The second option is much much worse.
A narcissistic grandmother will try to turn your children against you.
This is called grandparent grooming. When a grandparent exhibits behaviors causing a child to lose trust in their parent, that’s abuse.
Can you imagine having your own mother do everything in her power to destroy the family you made, not only will she passive aggressively converse with your children
She will invalidate your feelings and emotions by gaslighting you
She will undermine your authority in front of your children.
She will attack you in front of your children.
If your child doesn’t behave the way she wants them to, she’ll turn it into a nightmare for you and your child and critisise your parenting
If you have more than one child, she’ll choose a favorite and pit them against you and your family.
It’s a known tactic of narcissistic grandmothers to try and take custody of their grandchildren just to hurt their adult child.
She will go to any length to destroy your success as a mother so she can feel superior.
You don’t know what you’re up against. This is a ragingly jealous woman who knows deep down she isn’t a good mother, and she will hate you for loving your children. She will despise you for being a good mother.
You’re probably thinking ‘this is sick’ and you’d be right.
It is sick. And disturbing. And above all else, it makes no sense. It serves no purpose other than to make your narcissistic mother feel better about herself. She’ll do all of this for such a meaningless and empty result.
A narcissist can’t get any pleasure from happiness.
Seeing someone fail and feel terrible about themselves is the only way they get supply. It’s the only way they have to make themselves feel better. The only purpose a narcissist has in life is to cause pain and suffering to others.
Sadly there are no answers and no solution other than protecting the children you have with you and trusting the process that the one child lost will return home soon.
I have personally disengaged and gone NO CONTACT.
There is some guilt associated with cutting off a toxic grandparent.
However, the guilt will be a thousand times worse if you allow it to continue. Many women have lost their children before they even realized what was happening, and it’s one of the deepest kinds of pain.
If the narcissistic grandparent succeeds in manipulating their grandchildren, it’s a new level of pain and despair for everyone involved and this is my true story.
Accepted and validated rules dont apply when you are dealing with a toxic grandparent, dont be culled into what society calls the norm such as:
You only have one mother.
You’re adults, and you can work this out.
Family is everything, no they are not if they intentionlly exclude you from family activities but they have your child
Your mother loves you.
She’s only trying to do what’s best for you.
None of these things are true for the child and scape goat of a narcissist.
It’s possible narcissists are created by their parents, and we don’t want our future generations to suffer. You are your child’s only protection, and you are the only one who can stop this abuse from happening because it’s invisible to everyone else. Not everyone can go no contact when the narcissist is a family member, and there are a few alternatives to help you handle their behavior. They only care about what makes them feel more important, and if at the expense of your child’s wellbeing, a narcissistic grandmother is okay with that. She doesn’t see your child as a living, breathing little human being.
There is no compassion or empathy, and she’ll do to them exactly what she’s done to you.